Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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