My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
