what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
