It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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