My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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