Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
