how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
