Nicole vs. Life
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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