He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
