she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You need Xanax blowdarts
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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