God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
This girl is more easily done than said...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
