I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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