Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
