I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Less talking, more tequila
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
