Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
