Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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