Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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