Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
