Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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