the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You ate ashes out of my bong
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
