I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
