if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
