Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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