Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
