I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
