nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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