Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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