my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This is the high leading the old right now
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
