if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
