alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
