at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
