We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
