After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize