I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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