I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
