Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's rum buckets o'clock
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
