consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
