Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
