dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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