did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
