all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
