Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
