saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
