My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
