I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
