just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
