i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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