She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
