I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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