I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
