Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
