It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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