Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
