11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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