there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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