she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
