I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
