she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
