come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
