one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
should my penis look like a turkey
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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