I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
