Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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