At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
