I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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