4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
