Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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