ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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