Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
