He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
