my mouth tastes like poor choices
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
