They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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