sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
