You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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