is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We were destined to go to rehab together
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
