that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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