from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
