i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
