cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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