Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
