i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
