i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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