pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
