I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
