Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
