Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
