WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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